Today's a Saturday and the forth day of my year end holidays. I haven't done anything exciting yet and it feels like I'm wasting bits of my holidays. Well, except on Friday, after my mom and I went to my school for report card day, I went out with bffs Amalina and Iffa then Izzat tagged along with his cousin. We watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. Awesome movie actually :D
It's funny how I'm only 16 and it feels like I have tons of problem and issues with life and mostly everthing around me. Things at home are okay well, not amazing though. My dad isn't the greatest and most wanted person to be around with you know, well at least he used to but things changed. So, when the time comes when feel like locking myself up in the room and mind my own bussiness things like Taylor Swift's album will be on play and guitar strings will be strummed and off pithcehd voice will be heard. I write non-sense lyrics.. hahaha.. Something that probably no one will ever hear. Well, recently, when I was angry with my dad and the world so I started writing in this book I bought from Doulos ages ago ( 2007 ), slowly, I felt good again I felt relief like everything that's bugging my chest is out. It isn't the same like talking to a person but at least I was partially relief. So my point here is, I've written about one stanza ( if that's what you called it ) and it actually meant something - at least for me. When I'm ready, I'll post em' here aights? :D
I'm wanted now, got some chores to finish. Well, goodbye.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
29th October 2010 ; 1813
Hello there again. Just like before, it has been awhile since I've posted anything. I was actually planning to make the next post on the 1st of November but..... I did it today. Well nevermind, I can always make another post on that day :)
It's soon to be the end of October already. November is coming and I'm excited! Birthday! Holidays! Relaxation! Well, I'll have total fun if I live in the moment and not think what I am actually about to face next year. SPM ! One of the biggest exam of my life!
Life lately had been really tough... having to deal with all this thoughts that kept appearing, things at home and out there... Sometimes, I feel like giving up for a moment I wished my life would end right there but when things seems to go on in a better way, I thought otherwise. Remember when I talked about my friends? Well, I don't know what's wrong with me to kept thinking that they hate me and all.. I guess I'm just effing paranoid. I hate feeling down I hate feeling like me being brought in to this world is a mistake and misery is what I have to pay. I should be optimistic <-- wow I'm using that word. Being a teen is really tough a lot of shannanigans to put up with like social life, peers, studies, family, LIFE.. It's really hard and you might drown in this pool of shannanigans ( I sound like someone older ) anyway, it's just what I thought you know. The thing I love the most is to be able to remember and cherish those memories I have during my youth because you certainly can't turn back time and at one point you'll forget how being a teen feels like. I will try to be a better person and not sulk myself in to self-pity not again. I have to actually live because I might die soon - I'd always had this thought that I WILL die early.. and I still thought of it.
Sometimes I act up and screw a perfectly good friendship. I hate doing this and I can't help myself sometimes and I know here it's my fault and no, I'm not blaming anyone.
Dear friends,
I am sorry if the way I act had affected your perspective towards me and I'm sorry for being icky sometimes. I am sorry for spilling my problems to you. I just can't help myself and friends are my alternative way of letting my feelings and thoughts out. When I accidently say things that's offensive, I am sorry. It was just my mouth being silly.
It's soon to be the end of October already. November is coming and I'm excited! Birthday! Holidays! Relaxation! Well, I'll have total fun if I live in the moment and not think what I am actually about to face next year. SPM ! One of the biggest exam of my life!
Life lately had been really tough... having to deal with all this thoughts that kept appearing, things at home and out there... Sometimes, I feel like giving up for a moment I wished my life would end right there but when things seems to go on in a better way, I thought otherwise. Remember when I talked about my friends? Well, I don't know what's wrong with me to kept thinking that they hate me and all.. I guess I'm just effing paranoid. I hate feeling down I hate feeling like me being brought in to this world is a mistake and misery is what I have to pay. I should be optimistic <-- wow I'm using that word. Being a teen is really tough a lot of shannanigans to put up with like social life, peers, studies, family, LIFE.. It's really hard and you might drown in this pool of shannanigans ( I sound like someone older ) anyway, it's just what I thought you know. The thing I love the most is to be able to remember and cherish those memories I have during my youth because you certainly can't turn back time and at one point you'll forget how being a teen feels like. I will try to be a better person and not sulk myself in to self-pity not again. I have to actually live because I might die soon - I'd always had this thought that I WILL die early.. and I still thought of it.
Sometimes I act up and screw a perfectly good friendship. I hate doing this and I can't help myself sometimes and I know here it's my fault and no, I'm not blaming anyone.
Dear friends,
I am sorry if the way I act had affected your perspective towards me and I'm sorry for being icky sometimes. I am sorry for spilling my problems to you. I just can't help myself and friends are my alternative way of letting my feelings and thoughts out. When I accidently say things that's offensive, I am sorry. It was just my mouth being silly.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
01st May 2010 ; 23:45p.m
Hey there, it's so obvious that it has been quite sometime since I've updated this blog. To be honest, I chose not to update it because I was bored with blogger. Well, now I suddenly have the mojo to do some minor update.
So, as you can see it's already May. Wow how fast is that right? Soon enough, you'll realise it's already 2011 ! Anyway, I've actually been busy lately. You know, especially with my studies and everything else. We're actually having our exams now and for me it's like we're on war. Soldiers armed with armours and weapons and us students armed with knowledge and stationeries. I honestly have a lot in my mind a lot that I think is indirectly going on but since it's war time, I have no time on dealing with any of what I'm thinking. You know what? Most of the time, I feel like letting go you know, like stop caring and thinking a lot about them because of this caring and thinking I have and do of them, hurts me so deeply. I know clearly that I wasn't asked to do so, but I can't help it. I guess I'm that much of a friend huh? I really care about them that's why. Things have change a lot, a lot lot. I like things the way they were. No one's indirectly competing with each other to fit in the ' it group ' in this social life, no one faking most of themselves, no one dislike her and her and no one getting jealous over silly stuff. I want to be clear that I don't expect everthing to be as they were at all I just hope that things are better. Sometimes they are better and sometimes they're not. I'm tired of caring and again thinking but heck, I can't help it. I once tried to act as a stranger, someone who isn't me at all and I eventually ran out of pretty acts. From there, I learned a lesson there's nothing great, better and awesome to other than yourself. That's who I am now. I'm being myself lately from what I do to everything else it's all from my heart and from me, not from some foreign manual directing me on how to act.
Dear friends,
I'll always be there when you needed me so please don't say that " no one's ever there for me when I needed them ". I'll lend you my shoulder and my ears. I'll make time to listen and try to understad.I'll laugh with you and rock with you ( Omagahh I'm being so gay right now; well lemme finish ). I''l your friend, you can trust me. Honest to say I don't betray people trust.
Dear Arthur,
If only I would have the guts to tell you the truth. Tell you that I apprieciate what you gave me and everything and that I'm sorry but I no longer feel what I felt before. If only I have the guts to tell you that we were rushing and I wasn't ready for anything serious because I haven't really found the person yet. I'm only 16, I still want to have fun and so should you. You'll find a better person someday. I'm just not the right person for you. Sorry to confuse you. Look, it's easy to say it here. If only, only I have the guts to tell you. I'm such a coward.
So, as you can see it's already May. Wow how fast is that right? Soon enough, you'll realise it's already 2011 ! Anyway, I've actually been busy lately. You know, especially with my studies and everything else. We're actually having our exams now and for me it's like we're on war. Soldiers armed with armours and weapons and us students armed with knowledge and stationeries. I honestly have a lot in my mind a lot that I think is indirectly going on but since it's war time, I have no time on dealing with any of what I'm thinking. You know what? Most of the time, I feel like letting go you know, like stop caring and thinking a lot about them because of this caring and thinking I have and do of them, hurts me so deeply. I know clearly that I wasn't asked to do so, but I can't help it. I guess I'm that much of a friend huh? I really care about them that's why. Things have change a lot, a lot lot. I like things the way they were. No one's indirectly competing with each other to fit in the ' it group ' in this social life, no one faking most of themselves, no one dislike her and her and no one getting jealous over silly stuff. I want to be clear that I don't expect everthing to be as they were at all I just hope that things are better. Sometimes they are better and sometimes they're not. I'm tired of caring and again thinking but heck, I can't help it. I once tried to act as a stranger, someone who isn't me at all and I eventually ran out of pretty acts. From there, I learned a lesson there's nothing great, better and awesome to other than yourself. That's who I am now. I'm being myself lately from what I do to everything else it's all from my heart and from me, not from some foreign manual directing me on how to act.
Dear friends,
I'll always be there when you needed me so please don't say that " no one's ever there for me when I needed them ". I'll lend you my shoulder and my ears. I'll make time to listen and try to understad.I'll laugh with you and rock with you ( Omagahh I'm being so gay right now; well lemme finish ). I''l your friend, you can trust me. Honest to say I don't betray people trust.
Dear Arthur,
If only I would have the guts to tell you the truth. Tell you that I apprieciate what you gave me and everything and that I'm sorry but I no longer feel what I felt before. If only I have the guts to tell you that we were rushing and I wasn't ready for anything serious because I haven't really found the person yet. I'm only 16, I still want to have fun and so should you. You'll find a better person someday. I'm just not the right person for you. Sorry to confuse you. Look, it's easy to say it here. If only, only I have the guts to tell you. I'm such a coward.
Friday, October 16, 2009
On the beach, by the cave
"...and this is my sexy stove" watched three episodes of My Celebrity Home. Nice what? So, spent the whole day at home. We did some cleaning around so tired. I only ate maggie curry and drank ice-lemon tea today. I wasn't that hungry. Well, of course i drank water. There's a lot of plan coming. I can't wait for it. Sh!t I'm broke right now. I have to help my mom around to earn money. Yea, I'm that kind of kid who have to earn money from their parents even when they can freely give em'. They really can but I guess they just don't want us to get spoiled. I have tight parents. Really. I wouldn't expose a lot. Unwanted people would know. haha.
I love this line "..... They're all beautiful. But how many of them would write a song for you like I did?" I have no idea why I love it. I'm in to Country. I love American country music. Not because of Taylor Swift ( I love her ) but I love their accent and their lyrics. Of course I'm still in to other genre. I love country surroundings. I feel so lucky to be brought up in a country surroundings. For some people it's disgusting for them to even be in a country surroundings. I don't understand why. They're missing a lot. No I don't go to country school. That's good. hehe. Kionsom is a very pretty place. That's where I'm from. We have our own house here and it has a big space. Weee~ I enjoy nature. I love jungle trekking, bathing in a river, running in a big field, going up&down a hill etc. In short, I'm in love with the outdoors. Leave me out there with shelter and food and no fancy stuff I'm sure I can manage. HAHA. I don't buy fruits cause I get em' fresh and free from a tree ( it rhymes ) haha. I love music it takes me away from reality. I play the guitar and piano. Only took class for the piano. I wish I can sing, unfortunately I may turn someone deaf or may be even kill them. Sad but true. I get this a lot from my friends and even my family "yerr..you clean freak oh", friends "just sleep bh, no need to arrange your bed before sleeping" sister "why u always wash your hands oh?" "you hv OCD". That's some of it. I don't suffer from OCD =.=" Sometimes i don't like messy-ness. I wash my hands a lot to feel comfortable I don't know why. I pretend to not understand some people sometimes. I am a people pleaser. Not the sexual type laa. It's hard for me to say NO even to stuff I find hard to do. I have this friend she's the longest I've known and closest I have been with. She's Stacey Alexis Lundat Van Straten :) This year 9 years. I love her a lot. Nevertheless I love Amalina, Natalie, Dina, Valerie, Iffa, Sa'idatul and this new friend I got close too Law Vuii. There's lots more people I love but I don't think it would fit my post. HAHAHA. I love sports too. You can say I'm pretty active in it. I'm not great though. I can write a song for you. Seriously. I was shy to admit it. I can write it but I can't sing it. I'm in to fashion. It's just that I don't get out a lot and I'm shy cause I'm affraid I would make a fool of myself. I dream like all those dreamer. I dream about prince charming at the same time in reality I kept reminding myself there's no such thing. I don't act uptown fabulous like those pretty girls. I'm more in the moderate type. I think. If I go to a place that I don't always go to, I'd do few crazy more of embarrassing things. I don't care cause it's not like I often go there. I'm weird in a good way. At least that is what I was told. haha. I think that is why they love me. A lot xD I love having fun. I love humor. In conclusion I love lots of stuff.
Geee.. this post end up telling something about me that is to know. haha. Not ALL though. I couldn't think of anything to fill here cause my day was pretty dull and for now, I don't have any plans. I do crazy stuff. I think. I love randomness and sometimes I get annoyed with those randomness. Weird. I'm not committed in certain issues. People who're close to me knows that well.
p/s : you'd feel lazy to read cs it's kinda long. Well, it looks long. i think.
I love this line "..... They're all beautiful. But how many of them would write a song for you like I did?" I have no idea why I love it. I'm in to Country. I love American country music. Not because of Taylor Swift ( I love her ) but I love their accent and their lyrics. Of course I'm still in to other genre. I love country surroundings. I feel so lucky to be brought up in a country surroundings. For some people it's disgusting for them to even be in a country surroundings. I don't understand why. They're missing a lot. No I don't go to country school. That's good. hehe. Kionsom is a very pretty place. That's where I'm from. We have our own house here and it has a big space. Weee~ I enjoy nature. I love jungle trekking, bathing in a river, running in a big field, going up&down a hill etc. In short, I'm in love with the outdoors. Leave me out there with shelter and food and no fancy stuff I'm sure I can manage. HAHA. I don't buy fruits cause I get em' fresh and free from a tree ( it rhymes ) haha. I love music it takes me away from reality. I play the guitar and piano. Only took class for the piano. I wish I can sing, unfortunately I may turn someone deaf or may be even kill them. Sad but true. I get this a lot from my friends and even my family "yerr..you clean freak oh", friends "just sleep bh, no need to arrange your bed before sleeping" sister "why u always wash your hands oh?" "you hv OCD". That's some of it. I don't suffer from OCD =.=" Sometimes i don't like messy-ness. I wash my hands a lot to feel comfortable I don't know why. I pretend to not understand some people sometimes. I am a people pleaser. Not the sexual type laa. It's hard for me to say NO even to stuff I find hard to do. I have this friend she's the longest I've known and closest I have been with. She's Stacey Alexis Lundat Van Straten :) This year 9 years. I love her a lot. Nevertheless I love Amalina, Natalie, Dina, Valerie, Iffa, Sa'idatul and this new friend I got close too Law Vuii. There's lots more people I love but I don't think it would fit my post. HAHAHA. I love sports too. You can say I'm pretty active in it. I'm not great though. I can write a song for you. Seriously. I was shy to admit it. I can write it but I can't sing it. I'm in to fashion. It's just that I don't get out a lot and I'm shy cause I'm affraid I would make a fool of myself. I dream like all those dreamer. I dream about prince charming at the same time in reality I kept reminding myself there's no such thing. I don't act uptown fabulous like those pretty girls. I'm more in the moderate type. I think. If I go to a place that I don't always go to, I'd do few crazy more of embarrassing things. I don't care cause it's not like I often go there. I'm weird in a good way. At least that is what I was told. haha. I think that is why they love me. A lot xD I love having fun. I love humor. In conclusion I love lots of stuff.
Geee.. this post end up telling something about me that is to know. haha. Not ALL though. I couldn't think of anything to fill here cause my day was pretty dull and for now, I don't have any plans. I do crazy stuff. I think. I love randomness and sometimes I get annoyed with those randomness. Weird. I'm not committed in certain issues. People who're close to me knows that well.
p/s : you'd feel lazy to read cs it's kinda long. Well, it looks long. i think.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
My shortcut to happiness
It has been awhile since I did any updates. So I would say, life before PMR was nice but there's this pressure to study. PMR was not hard. I mean, I did not struggle to answer it. I just hope my result would turn out pretty :) Lately I'm happy no shit around. I went to 1B with a buch of girlfriends yesterday. Damn, it was unexplainablely awesome FUN. Despite getting broke and falling pants. HAHAHA. Embarrassing but at the same time funny xD Want to know who went? Stacey, Amalina, Iffa, Sa'idatul, Dina, Law Vuii and I. Played in Toy's R Us. We went to speedy. Woah album paradise oh. Yeah, I just found out. I was looking for Taylor Swift's album. Fortunately they still have the last CD around. I bought it thanks to Iffa and Law Vuii. I love that CD.
I have a lot to say. Seriously. Unfortunately, my sister is bugging me right now. UGH. Btw, we all went broke after that. HAHA. I still owe some people $$$. So many plan this month. Weeeeee~~~ Track & Field training started today. Tiring man. Ohya, I'm learning this new song on guitar. Music is my passion but I can't sing xD Geee.. I really have to go now. Pretty pictures at 1B you can take a look at them in Facebook Law Vuii's profile.
p/s : I know, I wouldn't stand a chance with..... I can imagine, can I?. Pathetic, but it's the only way for me to be satisfy. Wait, a person can NEVER be satisfy. That's a fact.
I have a lot to say. Seriously. Unfortunately, my sister is bugging me right now. UGH. Btw, we all went broke after that. HAHA. I still owe some people $$$. So many plan this month. Weeeeee~~~ Track & Field training started today. Tiring man. Ohya, I'm learning this new song on guitar. Music is my passion but I can't sing xD Geee.. I really have to go now. Pretty pictures at 1B you can take a look at them in Facebook Law Vuii's profile.
p/s : I know, I wouldn't stand a chance with..... I can imagine, can I?. Pathetic, but it's the only way for me to be satisfy. Wait, a person can NEVER be satisfy. That's a fact.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Country and Acoustic Music
I know, you would think Country music? Do you have an old soul? No, I don't. Infact I have an unexplainable soul. I can't choose if you ask me to ( what does this have to do with my soul? ) Anyway, about the country music. I love the country singer accent, their song lyrics and the flow of the melody. Yeah, that's about it. I listen other beating music also bh.
You know, no you don't. Well, I have this thing I wrote down for this human. It was few months back when we're still friends. Well, I can't tell if we're still now cause human completely ignores me which somehow I have no idea why. I think I do, human found someone to love. Haha. Don't get the idea of me being jealous. It's hard for someone to make me jealous. Seriously ! Well, unless they met TAYLOR SWIFT! I'd be totally jealous. Anyway, I wasn't hoping but this human made me hope. Weird, hope for what? I don't know. Crappy. About this thing I had written, it's cute. Well, I'm not praising what I wrote. I showed it to my dog and it barked. I assume he says it's cute. When I asked " is this serious or playplay? " replied " I don't play. serious " this lesbiangay human shouldn't had said that. What am I saying?
PMR is coming *deep breath* I'll do my best. seehhh. I've got plenty to say, but so little time.
p/s : i love Taylor Swift :) Everyone does.
p/ss : i talk crap.
p/sss : i don't eat crab, i'm kinda weird and i'm shy.
You know, no you don't. Well, I have this thing I wrote down for this human. It was few months back when we're still friends. Well, I can't tell if we're still now cause human completely ignores me which somehow I have no idea why. I think I do, human found someone to love. Haha. Don't get the idea of me being jealous. It's hard for someone to make me jealous. Seriously ! Well, unless they met TAYLOR SWIFT! I'd be totally jealous. Anyway, I wasn't hoping but this human made me hope. Weird, hope for what? I don't know. Crappy. About this thing I had written, it's cute. Well, I'm not praising what I wrote. I showed it to my dog and it barked. I assume he says it's cute. When I asked " is this serious or playplay? " replied " I don't play. serious " this lesbiangay human shouldn't had said that. What am I saying?
PMR is coming *deep breath* I'll do my best. seehhh. I've got plenty to say, but so little time.
p/s : i love Taylor Swift :) Everyone does.
p/ss : i talk crap.
p/sss : i don't eat crab, i'm kinda weird and i'm shy.
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