Today's a Saturday and the forth day of my year end holidays. I haven't done anything exciting yet and it feels like I'm wasting bits of my holidays. Well, except on Friday, after my mom and I went to my school for report card day, I went out with bffs Amalina and Iffa then Izzat tagged along with his cousin. We watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. Awesome movie actually :D
It's funny how I'm only 16 and it feels like I have tons of problem and issues with life and mostly everthing around me. Things at home are okay well, not amazing though. My dad isn't the greatest and most wanted person to be around with you know, well at least he used to but things changed. So, when the time comes when feel like locking myself up in the room and mind my own bussiness things like Taylor Swift's album will be on play and guitar strings will be strummed and off pithcehd voice will be heard. I write non-sense lyrics.. hahaha.. Something that probably no one will ever hear. Well, recently, when I was angry with my dad and the world so I started writing in this book I bought from Doulos ages ago ( 2007 ), slowly, I felt good again I felt relief like everything that's bugging my chest is out. It isn't the same like talking to a person but at least I was partially relief. So my point here is, I've written about one stanza ( if that's what you called it ) and it actually meant something - at least for me. When I'm ready, I'll post em' here aights? :D
I'm wanted now, got some chores to finish. Well, goodbye.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
29th October 2010 ; 1813
Hello there again. Just like before, it has been awhile since I've posted anything. I was actually planning to make the next post on the 1st of November but..... I did it today. Well nevermind, I can always make another post on that day :)
It's soon to be the end of October already. November is coming and I'm excited! Birthday! Holidays! Relaxation! Well, I'll have total fun if I live in the moment and not think what I am actually about to face next year. SPM ! One of the biggest exam of my life!
Life lately had been really tough... having to deal with all this thoughts that kept appearing, things at home and out there... Sometimes, I feel like giving up for a moment I wished my life would end right there but when things seems to go on in a better way, I thought otherwise. Remember when I talked about my friends? Well, I don't know what's wrong with me to kept thinking that they hate me and all.. I guess I'm just effing paranoid. I hate feeling down I hate feeling like me being brought in to this world is a mistake and misery is what I have to pay. I should be optimistic <-- wow I'm using that word. Being a teen is really tough a lot of shannanigans to put up with like social life, peers, studies, family, LIFE.. It's really hard and you might drown in this pool of shannanigans ( I sound like someone older ) anyway, it's just what I thought you know. The thing I love the most is to be able to remember and cherish those memories I have during my youth because you certainly can't turn back time and at one point you'll forget how being a teen feels like. I will try to be a better person and not sulk myself in to self-pity not again. I have to actually live because I might die soon - I'd always had this thought that I WILL die early.. and I still thought of it.
Sometimes I act up and screw a perfectly good friendship. I hate doing this and I can't help myself sometimes and I know here it's my fault and no, I'm not blaming anyone.
Dear friends,
I am sorry if the way I act had affected your perspective towards me and I'm sorry for being icky sometimes. I am sorry for spilling my problems to you. I just can't help myself and friends are my alternative way of letting my feelings and thoughts out. When I accidently say things that's offensive, I am sorry. It was just my mouth being silly.
It's soon to be the end of October already. November is coming and I'm excited! Birthday! Holidays! Relaxation! Well, I'll have total fun if I live in the moment and not think what I am actually about to face next year. SPM ! One of the biggest exam of my life!
Life lately had been really tough... having to deal with all this thoughts that kept appearing, things at home and out there... Sometimes, I feel like giving up for a moment I wished my life would end right there but when things seems to go on in a better way, I thought otherwise. Remember when I talked about my friends? Well, I don't know what's wrong with me to kept thinking that they hate me and all.. I guess I'm just effing paranoid. I hate feeling down I hate feeling like me being brought in to this world is a mistake and misery is what I have to pay. I should be optimistic <-- wow I'm using that word. Being a teen is really tough a lot of shannanigans to put up with like social life, peers, studies, family, LIFE.. It's really hard and you might drown in this pool of shannanigans ( I sound like someone older ) anyway, it's just what I thought you know. The thing I love the most is to be able to remember and cherish those memories I have during my youth because you certainly can't turn back time and at one point you'll forget how being a teen feels like. I will try to be a better person and not sulk myself in to self-pity not again. I have to actually live because I might die soon - I'd always had this thought that I WILL die early.. and I still thought of it.
Sometimes I act up and screw a perfectly good friendship. I hate doing this and I can't help myself sometimes and I know here it's my fault and no, I'm not blaming anyone.
Dear friends,
I am sorry if the way I act had affected your perspective towards me and I'm sorry for being icky sometimes. I am sorry for spilling my problems to you. I just can't help myself and friends are my alternative way of letting my feelings and thoughts out. When I accidently say things that's offensive, I am sorry. It was just my mouth being silly.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
01st May 2010 ; 23:45p.m
Hey there, it's so obvious that it has been quite sometime since I've updated this blog. To be honest, I chose not to update it because I was bored with blogger. Well, now I suddenly have the mojo to do some minor update.
So, as you can see it's already May. Wow how fast is that right? Soon enough, you'll realise it's already 2011 ! Anyway, I've actually been busy lately. You know, especially with my studies and everything else. We're actually having our exams now and for me it's like we're on war. Soldiers armed with armours and weapons and us students armed with knowledge and stationeries. I honestly have a lot in my mind a lot that I think is indirectly going on but since it's war time, I have no time on dealing with any of what I'm thinking. You know what? Most of the time, I feel like letting go you know, like stop caring and thinking a lot about them because of this caring and thinking I have and do of them, hurts me so deeply. I know clearly that I wasn't asked to do so, but I can't help it. I guess I'm that much of a friend huh? I really care about them that's why. Things have change a lot, a lot lot. I like things the way they were. No one's indirectly competing with each other to fit in the ' it group ' in this social life, no one faking most of themselves, no one dislike her and her and no one getting jealous over silly stuff. I want to be clear that I don't expect everthing to be as they were at all I just hope that things are better. Sometimes they are better and sometimes they're not. I'm tired of caring and again thinking but heck, I can't help it. I once tried to act as a stranger, someone who isn't me at all and I eventually ran out of pretty acts. From there, I learned a lesson there's nothing great, better and awesome to other than yourself. That's who I am now. I'm being myself lately from what I do to everything else it's all from my heart and from me, not from some foreign manual directing me on how to act.
Dear friends,
I'll always be there when you needed me so please don't say that " no one's ever there for me when I needed them ". I'll lend you my shoulder and my ears. I'll make time to listen and try to understad.I'll laugh with you and rock with you ( Omagahh I'm being so gay right now; well lemme finish ). I''l your friend, you can trust me. Honest to say I don't betray people trust.
Dear Arthur,
If only I would have the guts to tell you the truth. Tell you that I apprieciate what you gave me and everything and that I'm sorry but I no longer feel what I felt before. If only I have the guts to tell you that we were rushing and I wasn't ready for anything serious because I haven't really found the person yet. I'm only 16, I still want to have fun and so should you. You'll find a better person someday. I'm just not the right person for you. Sorry to confuse you. Look, it's easy to say it here. If only, only I have the guts to tell you. I'm such a coward.
So, as you can see it's already May. Wow how fast is that right? Soon enough, you'll realise it's already 2011 ! Anyway, I've actually been busy lately. You know, especially with my studies and everything else. We're actually having our exams now and for me it's like we're on war. Soldiers armed with armours and weapons and us students armed with knowledge and stationeries. I honestly have a lot in my mind a lot that I think is indirectly going on but since it's war time, I have no time on dealing with any of what I'm thinking. You know what? Most of the time, I feel like letting go you know, like stop caring and thinking a lot about them because of this caring and thinking I have and do of them, hurts me so deeply. I know clearly that I wasn't asked to do so, but I can't help it. I guess I'm that much of a friend huh? I really care about them that's why. Things have change a lot, a lot lot. I like things the way they were. No one's indirectly competing with each other to fit in the ' it group ' in this social life, no one faking most of themselves, no one dislike her and her and no one getting jealous over silly stuff. I want to be clear that I don't expect everthing to be as they were at all I just hope that things are better. Sometimes they are better and sometimes they're not. I'm tired of caring and again thinking but heck, I can't help it. I once tried to act as a stranger, someone who isn't me at all and I eventually ran out of pretty acts. From there, I learned a lesson there's nothing great, better and awesome to other than yourself. That's who I am now. I'm being myself lately from what I do to everything else it's all from my heart and from me, not from some foreign manual directing me on how to act.
Dear friends,
I'll always be there when you needed me so please don't say that " no one's ever there for me when I needed them ". I'll lend you my shoulder and my ears. I'll make time to listen and try to understad.I'll laugh with you and rock with you ( Omagahh I'm being so gay right now; well lemme finish ). I''l your friend, you can trust me. Honest to say I don't betray people trust.
Dear Arthur,
If only I would have the guts to tell you the truth. Tell you that I apprieciate what you gave me and everything and that I'm sorry but I no longer feel what I felt before. If only I have the guts to tell you that we were rushing and I wasn't ready for anything serious because I haven't really found the person yet. I'm only 16, I still want to have fun and so should you. You'll find a better person someday. I'm just not the right person for you. Sorry to confuse you. Look, it's easy to say it here. If only, only I have the guts to tell you. I'm such a coward.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)