SOME MATTERS ARE BETTER LEFT UNSAID.

Eventhough it’s eating you up inside. Eventhough as hard as you try to avoid it and as hard as you try to be optimistic, these things just seemed to penetrate so deep that at times all you longed for is a pair of ears to listen and hear and a shoulder for your head to lean on and let down those tears.

This is how I feel at the moment.

THERE’S SO MUCH IN THIS CHEST AND I THOUGHT AFTER WRITING EVERYTHING DOWN WOULD MAKE ME FEEL RELIEF. I STILL FEEL THE SAME.

I’ve been optimistic lately but it’s like a fruitless effort. Yet, I not giving up - not yet.

AS I GROW, THE URGE FOR ME TO TELL WHAT HAPPENED IS MULTIPLYING.

because it felt like it’s the only way to be free.

SOMETHING FOR MY DAD. HE WON’T SEE IT BUT IT’S OKAY.

Most of the time we don’t see things eye to eye,

If only it’s easy for me to say I love you, I would.

I have been trying for years.

Now that you’re far away,

This house never sound so quiet,

Here’s what I’m trying to say,

Happy Father’s Day :)

I wrote this on Father's Day. Never showed him this.

I will write about things I feel and things I never get the chance to actually say.

One door closes another door opens

Hello, I was bored so I played with the webcam :D I'm suppose to study but it was too hot and I know that whatever I read, I wouldn't understand. So today, I went for moot meeting at KFC Bandaran. I know right? Unusual place to have a meeting. Oh well, I was in a crisis whether or not I should go to CP or Suria then in the end decided not to cause I'd be alone and it's scary to roam alone :/ I'm so happy cause my dad gave me his laptop since he'll be moving to KL in what? another 4 days? I'm not a daddy's girl. You know, most of the time it's like I don't have any father. We're like strangers living under the same roof. So having him give me his laptop was a total shock but I'm thankful.

Know what? I feel like I'm not ready for SPM yet and the thought of it scares me. I need the drive to study and to really focus. Hmmm... I've been bottling up a lot lately.... I learned from my lesson... It's a long story to begin with but I can tell you that what happened made me realise that even the ones that are close to you don't really give a thing 'bout your problems and what you're struggling with. Everything is still bottled up inside.... I need a bigger bottle 'cause I know there's more to come. I hate faking happiness it kills me inside. I have a lot of things left unsaid. I wish there's a solitary place that I could be at to just scream my lungs out and cry until it's hard for me to breathe.

Have you ever felt so inspired?

and the next thing you know,

it's as if you never had any.

Have you ever felt so happy?

and the next thing you know,

you're weeping silently.

Have you ever felt the easiness of breathing?

and the next thing you know,

there's that feeling in your chest that makes you breath so heavy and hard.

Have you ever felt that you love life?

and the next thing you know,

you wish you we're never alive.

Have you ever loved yourself?

and the next thing you know,

the person you hate the most is yourself?

Have you ever felt that you we're born destined for greatness?

and the next thing you know,

your life is useless and yet you're living everyday.

Have you ever felt mixtures of feelings?

and the next thing you know,

you're as numb as a stone.

And the list goes on.

Because I felt all of this

Because even if I'm already 17, I'm still searching.

I don't know when will this all end,

When will I be happy

When will I achieve distinction

All that I can't tell but what I know is,

Never ending effort is needed and to live in the moment is important

and to appreciate everyone and everything around you is important

Though it may not be easy,

at least try.

Better regret trying than not trying.

New Leaf

It seems like I've abandoned this blog for quite sometime. So let me start with hello :) It's already 06th of April 2011 and a lot has happened. It would take me sometime to list down everything so let me keep that aside. Anyway, things are going on fine I guess, just fine. I'm sitting for SPM this year and strangely, I don't feel any butterflies or have sweaty palms. Well probably not now but soon. I should get my study gear on - like seriously.

I start to think optimistically - because usually I'm kin of a pessimist and surely people around me are tired of that and it's for my own good anyway. It's so... how am I suppose to put this. Nevermind, I'll just say it's so funny how emotions effect the way you think and see things. I want a distraction - I know I shouldn't since I'm sitting for a MASSIVE exam this year but... nevermind. So I don't know why I'm actually updating XD I doubt anyone even reads this. Hope not. It's okay though. When I'm a little bit older, I'll come back to this site and be like " OMG this was me? I wrote this? Seriously? "

OHOHOH! I suddenly feel like sharing :) Let me introduce you to MR. I. He's the same age as I am, we used to be classmates back in primary school and we were close back then. Long story short, I had a crush on him and unfortunately, I still do. It's so weird you know, we came from completely different worlds. I'm not expecting to date him because I know who I am and who he is and by the look of that, it's an impossible thing.

I SHOULD REALLY FOCUS IN MY STUDIES! I need to find a motivation that would actually drive me higher and forward instead of downwards and backwards! I'll end here for the moment. See you when I see you! :)