One door closes another door opens

Hello, I was bored so I played with the webcam :D I'm suppose to study but it was too hot and I know that whatever I read, I wouldn't understand. So today, I went for moot meeting at KFC Bandaran. I know right? Unusual place to have a meeting. Oh well, I was in a crisis whether or not I should go to CP or Suria then in the end decided not to cause I'd be alone and it's scary to roam alone :/ I'm so happy cause my dad gave me his laptop since he'll be moving to KL in what? another 4 days? I'm not a daddy's girl. You know, most of the time it's like I don't have any father. We're like strangers living under the same roof. So having him give me his laptop was a total shock but I'm thankful.

Know what? I feel like I'm not ready for SPM yet and the thought of it scares me. I need the drive to study and to really focus. Hmmm... I've been bottling up a lot lately.... I learned from my lesson... It's a long story to begin with but I can tell you that what happened made me realise that even the ones that are close to you don't really give a thing 'bout your problems and what you're struggling with. Everything is still bottled up inside.... I need a bigger bottle 'cause I know there's more to come. I hate faking happiness it kills me inside. I have a lot of things left unsaid. I wish there's a solitary place that I could be at to just scream my lungs out and cry until it's hard for me to breathe.

Have you ever felt so inspired?

and the next thing you know,

it's as if you never had any.

Have you ever felt so happy?

and the next thing you know,

you're weeping silently.

Have you ever felt the easiness of breathing?

and the next thing you know,

there's that feeling in your chest that makes you breath so heavy and hard.

Have you ever felt that you love life?

and the next thing you know,

you wish you we're never alive.

Have you ever loved yourself?

and the next thing you know,

the person you hate the most is yourself?

Have you ever felt that you we're born destined for greatness?

and the next thing you know,

your life is useless and yet you're living everyday.

Have you ever felt mixtures of feelings?

and the next thing you know,

you're as numb as a stone.

And the list goes on.

Because I felt all of this

Because even if I'm already 17, I'm still searching.

I don't know when will this all end,

When will I be happy

When will I achieve distinction

All that I can't tell but what I know is,

Never ending effort is needed and to live in the moment is important

and to appreciate everyone and everything around you is important

Though it may not be easy,

at least try.

Better regret trying than not trying.