I'm trying to understand how this works.

I had a great day. Well, I thought so. It's not that something bad happened but something I saw and read... Now that destroys me. It may be some small things but it matter to me - A LOT. I'm just confused. Where/what/how did I do wrong? I mean is it so hard to say it to my face? With all this company, I still feel alone. Everything around me is mending yet I still feel broken. My life doesn't suck and I'm not complaining. I am grateful for what I have but just when I thought things are going well, there's always a reason for it to be messed up.

I wish my friends know how much I really appreciate them and how grateful and thankful I am to have them. Sometimes I wonder what am I to them? would it even matter if we're no longer friends? I never see them show how much I meant to them. I mean they always say it to each other but I was never in the picture. Now that's what bothers me and I can't put it into words. I know that if I we're to bring this out, I will make things worse and I'll be called dramatic-emotional-bitch-who-do-you-think-you-are...

I feel like a nomad. I don't really have someone who's actually there you know. I have this exam coming and it'll determine my future and I'm worrying about this. How ridiculous. I can't just put it aside. I care - probably too much. They said it's just me, thinking too much.

Tell me what to do,

show me some sort of sign,

Help me pull through,

this awful time.

I've been laughing and was care less,

but that was just something needed,

to cover up this sadness.

This unexplainable thing is colouring my life in monochromatic drabness.